Lungs
by Sanwall
Summary: Kirk is desperate not to allow any of his crew to die- especially Spock. But saving Spock's life might tear them apart forever. Now complete.
1. Dog Days Are Over

**Author's note: **Yeah, so I found at least three different _Florence + The Machine_ songs as soundtrack for Kirk/Spock videos and then I downloaded their entire album _Lungs_ and loved it.

And so I figured I'd make one hell of a long songfic about Kirk and Spock based on this album. And then I did. Ergo: The songs do not belong to me and I make no profit off of this!

All right: This will be ten chapters long, so I won't use all songs on the album. As of now I've written four chapters which I will update with one per week; I'd love feedback, and I'll keep writing as soon as I can.

Uh, enjoy some angsty Kirk and cute Spock?

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Dog Days Are Over**

* * *

><p><em>Happiness hit her like a train on a track<br>Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back  
>She hid around corners and she hid under beds<br>She killed it with kisses and from it she fled  
>With every bubble she sank with a drink<br>And washed it away down the kitchen sink_

* * *

><p>"<em>Four years? I'll do it in three!"<em>

The memory of his brave words, masking the insecurity of his big choice, made James T. Kirk smile.

Even though it was in the shadow of the massive tragedy that was the Nero incident, Kirk had met his goal: something he'd never actually thought he'd manage, because even though was a brilliant student, always working and learning and pushing himself, his path was always littered with trouble.

Kirk still felt a happy grin brighten his features as he was awarded a commendation for original thinking _and_ a Captaincy.

And not just any Captaincy.

The Captaincy of the _Enterprise_.

Her sleek surfaces and the quiet hum of power that continually surged through her shiny hull had made Kirk fall in love with the ship as soon as he set foot on it – no, as soon as he had laid eyes upon her in Spacedock. And now she was his.

Without Kirk even noticing it himself, his smile faded a bit as he let his eyes roam over the cheering and applauding crowd that was his remaining classmates and instructors.

There was no sight of shiny black hair and pointy ears in the audience.

A sudden impatience gripped Kirk and all he wanted was to sit in the Captain's chair and watch stars stream by, his eyes locked on a faraway, unexplored galaxy and a stoic, stone-faced Vulcan by his side.

* * *

><p><em>The dog days are over<br>The dog days are done  
>The horses are coming so you better run<em>

_Run fast for your mother run fast for your father  
>Run for your children for your sisters and brothers<br>Leave all your love and your longing behind you  
>Can't carry it with you if you want to survive<em>

* * *

><p>It was with a gasp that Kirk awoke in the middle of what the chronometer said was the night, bare chest and high forehead covered with sweat.<p>

He sat up in his bed in his own rooms aboard the _Enterprise,_ all thoughts on sleep abandoned as he put his arms around his legs and buried his face in his knees.

Kirk had thought the memories of screaming, of pain, of running, would leave him alone out here in the vast blackness of space, but he was wrong. All it took was a disjointed fragment of a dream.

He could still remember the way Frank had made his life hell and he could remember his mother's inability to ever notice that something was wrong with her darling little Jimmy. But that was OK, those bruises had long since faded and even though his soul had taken a few turns, time really did seem to heal everything.

Or, at least most things.

A quiet moan escaped Kirk's full lips as he ground his face deeper into his knees and tightened his grip around his legs. He wanted to push the memories away, but it was already too late.

He'd gone to Tarsus IV after Sam had left for good, just to get away.

Just to see all of his new friends- _[die]_ -just to fight for survival, just to _run._

And, Kirk realized, he'd never stopped running.

He was out here, just running from… what? His past? His restraints?

_Throat raw, cold, hungry, tears drying on his face, knowing there was no going back_

Kirk got to his feet. He would try to wash the memories away, but he knew it wouldn't work.

_God, it's a wonder I ever passed the Starfleet psych evals_, he thought drily to himself as he tossed his boxers on his bed and headed for the shower.

Another unbidden thought entered his mind as the stream of hot water hit his face.

_What do I do when someone under my command dies?_

Angry with himself for dwelling on things he could do nothing about, Kirk sat down at his desk, clad only in a towel, and tried to get through some of the paperwork that had already accumulated despite his best efforts.

But there was not nearly enough of it, and when Kirk had sent his last signed report to Starfleet, the chronometer showed no more than 0412 hours. Four hours until his shift began.

With a sigh, Kirk got dressed in his uniform and left his quarters, which, despite being the biggest onboard, felt incredibly cramped.

* * *

><p><em>And I never wanted anything from you<br>Except everything you had  
>And what was left after that too. Oh.<em>

* * *

><p>He really shouldn't have been surprised to find Spock in the otherwise empty mess hall.<p>

His First Officer sat at a table close to the replicators, solemnly eating breakfast.

The sheer innocence of the scene almost made Kirk utter a sound best described as a squee. He restrained himself however, but the sight of Spock munching on a vegetable, stiff and serious as ever, was still indescribably adorable.

Without himself even noticing, Kirk's gloomy mood left him and it was with a slight smile he approached the replicators, and greeted the half-Vulcan with a cheery:

"Hiya Spock, fancy seeing you here at this early hour."

Spock eyed him and acknowledged his existence with a curt nod.

"Vulcans do not need as much sleep as humans," he offered as an explanation as Kirk tapped in the order for some black coffee and toast.

"Really?" Kirk said, his smile turning into a full-blown grin. "So you tend to sneak about the Enterprise when everyone else is asleep?"

"If I may point out, Captain", Spock said in his characteristic dry, lecturing voice. "You are awake as well."

"Fair enough," Kirk nodded and put down his tray beside his second in command and slumped down, hunching over his meal as opposed to Spock's almost rigid posture. "I thought you were going to say that Vulcans don't sneak, or something."

"Vulcans do not sneak, Captain."

It was rather unfortunate, Spock thought, that Kirk had chosen that moment to take a sip of his coffee, as his remark, for some inexplicable reason, made Kirk choke on the fluid.

And as Kirk tried to get rid of the coffee in his nose, he couldn't help but think: Oh god, what would I do without Spock?

* * *

><p><em>Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back<br>Struck from a great height  
>By someone who should know better than that<em>

* * *

><p>It was an uneventful day on the bridge. Usually, Kirk would have been sitting at the edge of his seat, tapping a finger at the armrest, demanding updates, paperwork, to know if anybody wanted to play "Spot the star", but this time, Kirk was rather content with just having to sit there and look Captain-y.<p>

The lack of proper sleep made it a little hard to concentrate, and Kirk noted his attention drifting, from the beeps of various consoles, to the murmured conversation between Sulu and Chekov and then to the sound of Spock's voice.

Kirk blinked, automatically tuning in to what his First Officer was saying. He wasn't talking to him, he was addressing the Communications Officer.

"I would be amenable to a musical session, but I am afraid I have a previous engagement."

"Oh?" Uhura did not sound cross, merely curious.

Everyone knew that the kisses Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura had exchanged during the Nero mission was a circumstantial thing. They had both agreed not to let things develop further, as they were serving aboard the same vessel, and seeing as Spock was Uhura's commanding officer.

Of course, it was popular gossip that Spock and Uhura still maintained a romantic relationship. People liked forbidden love. But Kirk knew that both Spock and Uhura were too intelligent for something like that.

It couldn't work, and so they remained good friends instead, something that both seemed happier about, if Kirk had to be completely honest. Spock was a person who needed friends, not lovers, and someone as full of life as Uhura needed to go out with someone less stiff than Spock – say, like Scotty.

Kirk grinned at the thought and then returned to "overhearing" the discussion.

"I have already agreed to play chess with the Captain after the shift."

Kirk smiled and tried to hide it behind a broad hand. Suddenly he longed for the shift to be over.

Then Spock called that his sensors were picking up a curious signal. In hindsight, Kirk thought that this was the point where everything went to hell.

* * *

><p><em>The dog days are over<br>The dog days are gone  
>Can you hear the horses<br>'Cos here they come_


	2. Drumming

**Author's note: **Thank you all for adding this story to your favourites and subscriptions and for commenting - you really make a fanfic-writer happy :)

I hope chapter two lives up to your expectations ^^

For all your TOS-fans out there, I've put in vague references to the episodes "The Apple" and "Miri". See if you can spot them, it will earn you a useless internet cookie :D

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Drumming**

* * *

><p><em>There's a drumming noise inside my head<br>That throws me to the ground  
>I swear that you should hear it<br>It makes such an all-mighty sound_

* * *

><p>Kirk couldn't think.<p>

All he could hear was the noise of his own heart, thumping furiously, thudding in his ears and sending waves of adrenaline through his whole body. He was panting (he had run) and he was now trying desperately to control his breathing.

Spock's life depended on it.

Drawing a deep breath, clamping his mouth shut on it before leaning down, placing his lips to Spock's and gently pushing the lungful of air into the lifeless body of his First Officer.

Then Kirk placed his hands on Spock's lower torso, where he estimated his heart lay, and started pushing firmly and rhythmically, one, two, three, four times.

Deep breath.

Exhale.

It was then that Kirk felt the familiar tingle of a transportation beam and he managed to bless Scotty under his breath before he felt the world darken before his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Louder than sirens<br>Louder than bells  
>Sweeter than heaven<br>And hotter than hell_

* * *

><p>Kirk awoke with a gasp again. But this time, his nightmares weren't of Tarsus. He was still running though, running to save Spock's life.<p>

Goddamn stupid natives worshipping intelligent computers that _fucking hit Spock with lightning, stopping his fucking heart._

Kirk felt his stomach clench at the thought. Spock couldn't be dead. Kirk would not let that happen.

Kirk sat up, gritting his teeth together against the dizziness that washed through him.

"Jim? Jeez, lie down before you fall, man!"

Bones' familiar and soothingly gruff voice made Kirk exhale and relax ever so slightly.

"Spock," he managed to croak out.

"He's right over there-" McCoy extended a hand in a careless gesture, and Kirk was out of his bed like a shot and kneeled beside the bed where Spock's unmoving body lay.

Huffing heavily, Kirk put his ear to Spock's side, gripping the fabric of his shirt with his hands, frantically searching, panic rising in his throat…

There.

A beat.

Kirk held his breath until he heard another beat, the sound and sensation filling his head.

"He's alive," Kirk murmured hoarsely.

"I coulda told you that, you nut," Bones muttered and put a hand on Kirk's shoulder, gently urging him to get on his feet. Kirk didn't move.

"It's real slow," he said instead, pressing his ear and cheek tighter to Spock's side. "Is he all right?"

"Vulcan hearts beat slower than humans'," his Doctor said, amusement apparent in his voice. It made Kirk look up and loosening his grip on Spock's shirt.

"Take it easy, kid. Spock's gonna be fine, and you need to start looking after yourself."

Bones' dark eyes turned soft, but Kirk didn't care much for his worries as he finally rose.

"I was," he told him confidently. "Until Spock got himself almost killed. I couldn't let him die, now could I Bones?"

"I'm not saying-" McCoy began, but stopped himself as he saw the look on Kirk's face as the man watched the sleeping form on the bed.

"I can't let Spock die. Not Spock," Kirk said quietly to himself.

* * *

><p><em>I ran to a tower where the church bells chime<br>I hoped that they would clear my mind  
>They left a ringing in my ear<br>But that drum's still beating loud and clear_

* * *

><p>Kirk exhaled sharply through a pointed nose. Why couldn't the sight of a lifeless Spock leave him?<p>

He'd seen Spock out of Sickbay, on the bridge, as calm and efficient as ever, he'd seen the tips of his ears turn the slightest shade of pale green when the Captain had made a rather obscene joke (Kirk needed to do that more often) and he knew for a fact that the cardiac arrest Spock had experienced had left no after-effects.

Yet Kirk could have trouble sleeping some nights, just imagining all the possible missions that could go wrong, ending with Spock sprawled out on the ground, black hair mussed, cheeks a dead white pallor and hands open, lifeless.

* * *

><p><em>As I move my feet towards your body<br>I can hear this beat, it fills my head up  
>And gets louder and louder<br>It fills my head up and gets louder and louder_

* * *

><p>So Kirk found himself constantly looking at Spock, making sure he was still there, still alive.<p>

Things were getting a little out of hand, Kirk realized, when he asked Spock for a third rematch at their weekly game of chess.

Spock arched an eyebrow.

"I did not realize you were such a, I believe the term is: 'Sore loser', Captain."

Kirk laughed; the sound warm and genuine. It felt so great to laugh, that a smile remained on his face long after he ceased chuckling.

"Hey, I just like the company," he said, lifting his hands, palms outwards, in a defensive gesture. "If you like, we could just, I don't know, drink some tea."

Spock's mouth thinned for a fraction of a second, and Kirk, good as he may be at reading the small signs of emotion in Spock's features, didn't know how to interpret it. Spock's eyes didn't turn hard, though, so Kirk knew his suggestion wasn't out of line

"I find your proposal agreeable, Captain."

Kirk rolled his eyes and got up, not even bothering to correct Spock to use "Jim" – the Vulcan stubbornness had worn him out.

"So what kind of tea would you like?" he asked, and that was when it hit him.

He would never want Spock to leave. He wanted Spock at his side at all times, just so he could put a hand to his side and check that the heartbeat remained steady and unfaltering.

* * *

><p><em>I run to the river and dive straight in<br>I pray that the water will drown out the din  
>But as the water fills my mouth<br>It couldn't wash the echoes out_

* * *

><p>When Sulu invited Kirk to a game of laser tag, Kirk happily agreed while forcing himself not to ask Spock along. It tickled him, though. Having Spock along would be immensely fun, and Kirk felt his argumentation (really, it's logical to play laser tag. It's practically combat training!) at the tip of his tongue already.<p>

But he only glanced at Spock, who sat at his station as usual, willing himself not to start.

It was all too easy to start flirting with Spock. Kirk couldn't deny that that was what he was doing: the light teasing, the laughs, the small touches. It was amazing that no-one had called him on it yet.

But the worst part, the _truly_ maddening part, was that Spock didn't seem to mind.

Yet he was aware of it. Oh yes, he was.

And Kirk couldn't help but smirk at one especially vivid memory.

"Seems we're stuck here for a while then, Mister Spock."

"Indeed, Captain."

Dark eyes move from the tricorder, meeting Kirk's bright blue, as the sentence hangs in the air.

Kirk's full lips stretch into a smile and in response Spock's mouth twitches in the corner, before his eyes flicker to Kirk's smile.

And then Spock looks down, but doesn't do anything on the tricorder he now watches.

Kirk feels a tingle in his stomach and he knows his smile turns into a smirk.

_No._

Kirk ran a hand through his short-cropped fair hair, clenching it into a fist as he did so.

If Spock and Uhura couldn't keep their romantic relationship together, how could Kirk even think about starting one with _Spock_?

And he _was_ thinking about it, that was what frightened Kirk. More often than he cared to admit, he found himself wondering what it would be like.

How did they go from _trying-to-choke-each-other-in-public_ to _arguing-openly-in-public_ to _synched-team-of-awesome_ to _strangely-close-friends_ and then to _flirting-openly-in-public_? Kirk didn't know.

But for now he concentrated on his surroundings, the now familiar _Enterprise_ bridge and its crew, the soothing noises, trying not to be extra mindful of the presence at his right that was Spock.

* * *

><p><em>I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole<br>Till there's nothing left inside my soul  
>As empty as that beating drum<br>But the sound has just begun_


	3. Kiss With A Fist

**Author's note:** This is one of the songs which I know is the soundtrack to a K/S-vid - it's rather good, I suggest you go check it out on youtube (but for the record, I did not make it, not even the slightest).

Thank you all for your reviews and watches and whatnot; you really keep me going and make me feel all fangirl-squeaky inside :D

**NCM**: Thank you for your review! I actually agree with you: it would be quite out of character for Kirk and Spock to display their affection openly. But we'll see how the story goes ;) As for the proofing: yeah, I could definitely use some, as English isn't my first language. Unfortunately, I haven't found anyone who would do it yet. Hopefully you can stand it ^^

**PS**: I think this is the chapter where maybe we recognize the boys from the movie the most :)

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Kiss With A Fist**

* * *

><p><em>You hit me once<br>__I hit you back  
><em>_You gave a kick  
><em>_I gave a slap  
><em>_You smashed a plate over my head  
><em>_Then I set fire to our bed_

* * *

><p>"I am <em>well aware<em> that it's against regulations, Mister Spock. But I sure as hell am not going to let anyone else go down there."

"Captain, it would be of no benefit for anyone to beam down at this time."

"We can't just leave them down there-"

"If you were to beam down, you would be left there as well."

Kirk ground his teeth together at the unyielding logic that Spock presented in a completely even tone. They stood beside the transporter pad, Scotty and Chekov working at the console with matching frowns.

"Bloody interferin' storm," the Scotsman cursed softly and got a short acknowledgement in Russian.

"What if someone got lost, or their communicators aren't working. I need to go check on them, and then you can beam us all back when the storm lets up," Kirk tried, conjuring up calmness that he did not feel.

"You would only put yourself in unnecessary danger, and the probability of your presence being of any assistance is-"

Kirk clenched his fist and made a motion so as to step up to the pad. Spock moved with his usual determination and clamped a hot hand on Kirk's shoulder.

"Let me go," Kirk hissed through clenched teeth. "I have to do something."

"There is nothing you can do."

"I will not let them die, Spock!" Kirk almost shouted, twisting himself away from Spock.

"I will not let you die either," Spock said, dark eyes suddenly aflame with resolve that made Kirk halt in his movements.

Kirk's eyes looked down to the hand that Spock had allowed to fall to his side. He realized Spock had touched him of his own free will, and he suddenly, desperately, wished for Spock to do it again.

* * *

><p><em>My black eye casts no shadow<br>Your red eye sees nothing  
>Your slap don't stick<br>Your kicks don't hit  
>So we remain the same<br>Love sticks  
>Sweat drips<br>Break the lock if it don't fit_

* * *

><p>"In case you have forgotten, Spock," Kirk said, voice low and dangerous, "I am in command."<p>

Spock straightened his already impossibly straight back and his hands curled into fists as the air between them practically crackled with electricity.

"What, now _that doesn't make you angry, does it?"_

_Spock looked at Kirk, with murder in his black eyes, and Kirk wanted to stop, he didn't want Spock to want to kill him, but he had to, he had to make the unemotional Spock emotionally compromised so that he could save them all from that Romulan madman._

Damn that Vulcan stubbornness.

For a moment, Kirk wondered if Spock would try to stop him by force, with that neck pinch that already once had sent Kirk unconscious to the floor.

Kirk almost wished for it.

He wanted to see that passion, that promise of emotion in Spock's face, but instead, the Commander's features arranged themselves into a stony mask as Spock took a step back.

"I am aware, of course," he said, voice monotone.

Kirk almost wanted to laugh. His decision was made now: if he did beam down, then maybe he could elicit some of those infamous Vulcan emotional responses.

* * *

><p><em>I broke your jaw once before<br>I spilled your blood upon the floor  
>You broke my leg in return<br>So sit back and watch the bed burn  
>Love sticks<br>Sweat drips  
>Break the lock if it don't fit<em>

* * *

><p>If someone had told him a year ago that he'd be friends with a pointy-eared bastard who got him on academic suspension, marooned him on an ice planet and almost choked him to death, Kirk would have laughed. It was true that he didn't have a lot of friends, not really, but even he had standards.<p>

And yet, Kirk had come to care for that pointy-eared bastard. He knew that his warming up to Spock had been rushed by the overwhelming mindmeld with the older Spock, the Spock that had travelled back in time from another future.

Because the deep friendship between Spock and his Kirk that Kirk had felt - the absolute devotion Spock had felt for a Jim Kirk that wasn't him had made Kirk want that… that trust.

He wanted Spock to trust him and he wanted to trust Spock, but god knew it hadn't been easy at first to stand the know-it-all-attitude and the snarky remarks about human and illogical behavior.

But beneath the brash surface of bravado and charming smiles, Kirk really did care about people, and since he knew, better than anyone, that he and Spock would make one hell of a team, he'd hung in there-

And he'd eventually grown to love those snarky little remarks that Spock made, evidence that the human emotion of irritation still existed in the half-Vulcan.

Kirk could read all those tiny changes of Spock's expressions and body language, and they had slowly but surely become a team

And now, right now, with Spock's body language so stiff it actually scared Kirk a little bit, Kirk realized just how much he'd relied on Spock. Without Spock, there was no way he would have survived one week as a Captain.

He had trusted Spock to stop him from making too reckless decisions, just as –he suspected- Spock relied on him to make decisions just reckless enough.

This time though, Kirk thought tiredly, I might have gone too far.

* * *

><p><em>A kick to the teeth is good for some<br>A kiss with a fist is better than none_

* * *

><p>"At ease, Commander," he said weakly, lifting a blood-stained hand from the laceration in his chest. "It's just a flesh wound."<p>

"Captain, I am relieving you of duty until you are fully healed and have undergone a psychological evaluation by the Chief Medical Officer," was Spock's cold reply.

The harshness of tone was somewhat counteracted by the gentle way Spock lifted his Captain from the transport pad to carry him to Sickbay.

* * *

><p><em>A kiss with a fist is better than none<em>


	4. I'm Not Calling You A Liar

**Author's Note:** This story is rated T, so in this chapter there will be (very little) language and a... situation ;) Still T, though. There might be a chapter along the way that will have to be rated M, but not yet :D

(Oh yeah, in case you hadn't noticed, here will be slash! :)

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**I'm Not Calling You A Liar**

* * *

><p><em>I'm not calling you a liar,<br>Just don't lie to me.  
>I'm not calling you a thief,<br>Just don't steal from me,  
>I'm not calling you a ghost,<br>Just stop haunting me,  
>And I'll love you so much,<br>I'm gonna let you  
>Kill me.<em>

* * *

><p>"Stop it."<p>

The soft pleading, so unusual and so uncharacteristic for the charismatic and energetic James T. Kirk, made Spock turn to stone at once.

"What is it you wish me to stop doing, Captain?" Spock asked. Though he did his best so as to sound neutral, distant even, Kirk could detect a hint of apprehension in his voice.

Kirk, heavy-lidded because of the pain medication administered by Doctor McCoy, lifted a hand as though he was about to grasp Spock's arm as he stood by the bed.

He waggled his fingers weakly before letting the arm go limp again.

"I don't know," he sighed, noticing how rough his voice was but not knowing how much the roughness tore at Spock's heart.

"I wish you wouldn't… I just want you to not be like that right now."

Spock stiffened, and Kirk closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.

"If you would inform me as to what it is you wish me to improve, I shall certainly do so," Spock replied woodenly.

"That's not what I meant," Kirk muttered. "Or actually, that is exactly what I mean."

Spock stared sternly at his Captain's face until he opened his blue eyes and blinked wearily.

"You're so… unrelenting," he said, voice turning even hoarser. "Just sometimes I wish you'd relax. For me."

"You should sleep, Captain," Spock said, unaware that his voice softened. Kirk agreed with a soft sigh and his eyes closed once again.

Spock settled himself down on a chair beside the bed and pulled out his dataPADD, intending to work while the Captain snored lightly with his face smoothened by sleep.

Spock thought that he had never seen the Captain look so unguarded and innocent.

* * *

><p><em>There's a ghost in my lungs<br>And it sighs in my sleep  
>Wraps itself around my tongue<br>As it softly speaks  
>Then it walks,<br>Then it walks with my legs_

* * *

><p>When Kirk opened his eyes again, the realization did not strike him like a bolt of lightning. It just lay there, heavy and certain in his mind.<p>

He had saved Spock's life several times already. Spock had saved his without hesitation. Spock was always there for him, with snarky remarks and assured knowledge and Kirk wanted to always be there for him.

And now, when Kirk turned his head to look at his First Officer where he sat, reading a report on his pad, he had to admit that the half-Vulcan was beautiful.

Smooth black hair that Kirk would die for to run his hands through and muss up; a strong, defined nose and sharp jawline which Jim fantasized about stroking finger along; broad shoulders and chest clad in a snug blue science shirt that the Captain could not wait to tear off – and those delicate pointy ears and slanted eyebrows, lending Spock an air of exotic strangeness.

Kirk would die for him.

"Spock," he managed to croak (after making sure Bones wasn't in the vicinity), and then, because shyness had never been a defining feature of James T. Kirk: "I think I love you."

Spock looked up, and if he was surprised by Jim's revelation, he managed not to show it. Bastard, Kirk thought fondly.

"Then why do you continue to put yourself in danger despite my explicit wishes?" was the calm response.

"Because." Kirk cleared his throat. "Because even though I do love you, I can't let people die. Ever. But most of all - I can't let you die."

Spock stretched out a slender hand and carefully wrapped it around Kirk's bruised knuckles.

"Consider then," he said, voice deep, "that I cannot let you die either."

Kirk's cracked lips stretched out in a smile, and his sleep-fogged blue eyes cleared in an instant, twinkling mischievously.

* * *

><p><em>To Fall,<br>To Fall,  
>To Fall<br>At your feet._

_Though but for the grace of god, go on  
>And when you kiss me, I'm happy enough to die.<em>

* * *

><p>"You," said Kirk, pulling Spock to him where they stood in his quarters two days later, "are driving me <em>mad.<em>"

"I did not realize you needed my assistance in that regard," Spock answered, the smallest of smiles playing at the corner of his lips while his dark brown eyes met the intense blue of Kirk's.

Kirk had to exhale slowly through his nose to control himself.

"You fucking tease," he scolded, re-arranging his hands so that they gripped Spock's shoulders, thumbs resting at his throat. "I have wanted you for so long, and you just keep playing hard to get."

"I apologize, Captain, but I did not think it advisable to start fraternizing on the bridge in front of the crew."

Kirk's hand fell down, grabbing Spock's and pushed their palms together before bringing both hands back up again.

"Not that I don't love flirting with you, Mister Spock," he said, voice now dangerously low, "but if you don't start kissing me right now I will have to take to disciplinary actions."

Kirk raised his prominent eyebrows in a promise, and Spock leaned in and – _finally_ – pressed his lips to Kirk's.

* * *

><p><em>I'm not calling you a liar,<br>Just don't lie to me  
>And, oh, I'll love you so much,<br>I'm gonna let you  
>I'm not calling you a thief,<br>Just stop,  
>And I'll love you so much,<br>I'm gonna let you  
>Ohh,<br>I'm not calling you a ghost,  
>Just stop…<em>

* * *

><p>"Spock," Jim breathed into the half Vulcan's lips, "You have to tell me if… if you want me to stop."<p>

Because the last thing Kirk wanted to do was scare Spock away, and he was willing enough to wait (they had the whole remainder of the five year mission together)… but he didn't think he would be able to stop himself.

Not with Spock's inhumanly warm chest pressed to his, hands snaking up and down his back, their long legs almost tangled together and Kirk desperately cupping Spock's shoulder blades so as to keep him as close as possible.

Incredibly hot breaths of air in his mouth, Spock's soft lips against his, accentuated by unseen stubble and tentative touches to his face – Kirk didn't want to stop.

One hand became lodged in Kirk's sandy blonde hair, holding his head still while Spock planted cautious kisses along his jaw. Kirk groaned softly. He wanted to return the favor so badly. He planted a wet kiss at Spock's neck instead.

"I believe we have waited long enough. Jim."

Spock's voice was a low rumble deep in his chest, and Kirk buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck, pulling him even closer.

And suddenly he knew that the remainder of the five year mission was nowhere near long enough.

* * *

><p><em>Oh but for the grace of god, go on<br>And when you kiss me, I am happy enough_

* * *

><p><strong>AN II:<strong> This isn't the end (shit is only going to get started in the next chapter, in fact), but as I am rather preoccupied with real life for the moment, I figure this is as good a place as any to tell you that I won't have a chapter up next week. In two weeks, maybe?  
>But I promise, on my honour as a nerdy fangirl, that I will not abandon this story. I have already put too much work into it to just leave it stranded!<p>

I'd love to hear from all and any of you lovely readers ^^ Live long and prosper!


	5. You've Got The Love

**Author's note**: Hello again, and sorry for the hiatus! I haven't had internet connection for a week :'(

I have also moved out to a new city and started university studies, and so I'm afraid this chapter is a bit short (and rushed *winces at the lack of quality)*. But better than nothing, eh?

I'll have permanent internet connection in two weeks, I promise I'll try to resume regular updates then. Please don't harm any tribbles in the meantime!

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**You've Got The Love**

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air<br>I know I can count on you  
>Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"<br>But you've got the love I need to see me through_

* * *

><p>No soothing words, no sweet lies to ease Kirk's distress, just the calming presence and a light press of fingers on the back of his hand.<p>

Kirk felt his eyes flutter at the touch and he smiled.

"Hey," he said, raising a hand to rub his eyes open and he felt Spock remove his own hand. Kirk opened one eye, turned around in his desk chair to face the half-Vulcan.

Spock stood there, calmly regarding him with those deep, dark eyes and hands clasped behind his back.

"Is something the matter, Jim?" he asked, and Kirk smiled broadly, now regarding his First Officer and lover (god he loved that word now - _lover_) with both eyes open.

"I was a little tired," Kirk admitted with a wink. "But I'm all the better for you being here."

"You flatter me," Spock stated, such deadpan that Kirk couldn't help but laugh as he hooked a leg around Spock's so he could pull him closer.

By refusing to stand up, Kirk basically forced Spock to lean down and end up in his lap as they kissed fiercely.

Kirk grabbed Spock's neck and kissed him on the mouth, chin and throat and finally bit down on his unexposed collarbone.

They couldn't leave visible marks. But that didn't stop Kirk from behaving in a decidedly possessive manner - Spock did not need to show such domineering behavior: in allowing Jim to touch him so freely he had already marked Jim as a possession.

Spock made Kirk elicit a small groan as he let one of his hands slide up Kirk's shirt and gently massaged his _rectus abdominis_ muscle, which automatically tensed under the touch.

And of course that was the moment when the yellow alert lamp started blinking unrelentingly.

Without as much as a sigh of disappointment, both Kirk and Spock disentangled immediately.

Kirk rearranged his shirt and Spock made sure his bowl-cut hair was as neat as ever, and even though Kirk smiled at that, they adopted perfectly professional postures as they excited the quarters together to go to the bridge.

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough<br>And things go wrong no matter what I do  
>Now and then it seems that life is just too much<br>But you've got the love I need to see me through  
>When food is gone you are my daily need<br>When friends are gone I know my savior's love is real  
>You know it's real<em>

_You got the love_

* * *

><p>"I need to send you over, Spock", Kirk murmured into the pointy ear of the half-Vulcan as they stood side by side on the bridge as the viewscreen dimmed, "you're the only one with diplomatic training adequate enough."<p>

"I agree", Spock replied, and Kirk knew that it wasn't arrogance, but simple reason in Spock's statement. "However, I would advise you to send-"

"I've already sent a shuttle down to the planet to try to find out what the Klingons want", Kirk said and couldn't contain a smile at Spock's curt nod of approval.

It took all of Kirk's willpower not to grab Spock's hand in a tender Vulcan kiss. He wanted to promise Spock, and make Spock promise, that they would never leave each other and that they would always be together, side by side.

But he knew that was a promise neither of them could make, and, content with just catching his eye for a quick moment, he let Spock exit the bridge.

Kirk hoped that it was enough.

* * *

><p><em>Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"<br>Time after time I think it's just no good  
>Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose<br>But you've got the love I need to see me through_

* * *

><p>Kirk stared at the viewscreen. His jaw was clenched as tight as his fists and his legs weren't crossed in their usual aloof manner, but each instead bent in a rigid ninety degree-angle.<p>

"Captain?" Uhura called from her station. To her credit, her voice was not quavering the slightest, even though it was quiet.

The man in the chair didn't move a muscle.

Finally, his jaw relaxed enough so that he could say:

"Tell Engineering to locate Commander Spock's signal, as well as those of the crew on the planet."

"Captain, I cannae pull them all aboard at the same time," Scotty said. He was on the bridge for once, abandoning the bowels of the ship and the engines he loved for a true emergency situation. "Not this time. Those bloody Klingons are interferin' with oor sensors!"

Kirk's hands gripped the handles of the Captain's chair tightly before he rose to his feet.

"Locate them still," he said. "Sulu, you have the con. I'll be down in the transporter room."

He refused to acknowledge the frantic rhythm of his heartbeat; he refused to admit that he might stand before a situation he might not win as he signaled to Scotty to follow him.

"Cap'n," Scotty said urgently as he obediently fell into step with Kirk, "we gotta get those crewmembers off tha' planet. You heard Chekov's readings. It's unstable as a horse on whiskey doon there!"

"I also heard the Klingons," Kirk replied. "If we lower our shields and use our transporter it will be taken as a hostile action and they'll execute their hostage."

"What are you goin' to do?" Scotty said, voice lowered as they entered the transport room.

Kirk stepped up to the control board.

"Save Spock first," he said.

* * *

><p><em>You got the love<br>_


	6. Hurricane Drunk

**Author's Note**: I am so sorry for the hiatus: moving and starting university studies have been really eating up much of my time! Umm, have a quickly written chapter (Excuse the quality: I really want to write chapter 9, so I'm afraid I might be rushing things.)

Warnings for some glorious angst, guys. And for Kirk's potty mouth ;)

By the way, if you want me to update faster, reviewing is a scientifically proven method that works. Seriously: thank you Kasadija957, your comment really made me sit down and start writing again 3

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Hurricane Drunk**

* * *

><p><em>No walls can keep me protected,<br>No sleet - nothing between me and the rain.  
>And you can't save me now, I'm in the grip of a hurricane.<br>I'm going to blow myself away_

* * *

><p>"Spock!" Kirk abandoned the controls as soon as the figure of Spock solidified on the transport pad.<p>

Only Spock's rigid posture and slight hint of a frown made Kirk not pull him into a crushing hug right there on the spot. Instead, Kirk froze halfway to the transporter and said breathlessly:

"Scotty, the men on the planet. Locate them."

At that moment there was a beep, and Uhura's voice sounded over the intercom.

"_Captain, the Klingons are locking phasers on us._"

Kirk threw himself at the wall and slammed his hand into the inter-ship communication module.

"Evasive maneuvers. Don't raise shields until we get our men back!"

"Cap'n, I cannae get a lock on them!" came Scotty's panicked voice from the controls. Spock had joined him and they both worked frantically.

Kirk banged his hand again, this time out of sheer frustration and adrenaline.

"Get them!" he hissed between clenched teeth.

"_Captain, evasive actions means we're out of transport range-"_

"Fire back!" Kirk interrupted.

"_Capt-_"

"Captain, I believe our only option is to raise shields and escape."

Kirk met Spock's eyes for a moment.

Then the ship was rocked by a blast. Kirk was only able to stay in place by clutching the wall and screaming:

"Take us out of here Sulu! Fuck!"

* * *

><p><em>No home, don't want shelter<br>No calm, nothing to keep me from the storm  
>And you can't hold me down, 'cause I belong to the hurricane<br>It's going to blow this all away_

* * *

><p>Hands buried deep in his hair, clutching hard as if he wanted to rip out every strand. Kirk was seated at his desk in his chambers, bowed over in a desperate attempt to curl up in a fetal position.<p>

He only just finished the report to Starfleet headquarters, but just as soon as he sent it in, he got a call.

Kirk wasn't afraid of many things.

He wasn't afraid to stare down the barrel of a Klingon disruptor. He could face being surrounded by Bird-of-preys. He'd take up the fight against Nero and the monstrous Narada any day.

But as he received the call from Starfleet HQ, he feared for his ship, and he feared losing his ship just as much as he loved it.

And even though Starfleet had reprimanded him, the _Enterprise_ was still his.

"_Just don't act this foolishly again, Kirk. But I suspect signing the condolence letters will be punishment enough. You're lucky that the Klingons haven't declared a war on the Federation!_"

Kirk's gut had clenched at the words, but he forced himself to relax; he still had his ship.

And he still had Spock.

Then why was he still so afraid?

The doorbell beeped and Kirk jerked upright.

"Come in," he said with a voice that _most definitely_ did not shake.

The doors parted to reveal Spock, and Kirk almost sighed in relief.

Almost.

Something made Kirk choke on that sigh; he didn't know what it was. But the tension was palpable as he rose to meet Spock.

"Hey," he said, warily. H e didn't even lean in for a kiss, and neither did Spock.

"Captain," Spock answered, meeting his eyes.

"What is it?" Kirk straightened up, realizing Spock was here on business. Why else would he use "Captain" and not "Jim"?

"I wish to discuss the events of today."

Kirk let out a bitter chuckle.

"Yeah, well, I don't. I'm just… I'm just glad you're alive, and I want to forget the rest."

"As much as I might want to, I cannot forget."

Kirk met Spock's dark eyes, for once not able to read his face.

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing."

"Well, then-"

"No, Jim. I believe you made your decisions today while being emotionally compromised."

Here Spock looked down. Kirk could only stare; it was as if the Vulcan had physically punched him in the stomach, but Spock continued evenly.

"I do not wish to see your command compromised because of me: it would be selfish of me to want to keep you to myself."

"But Spock-"

"I therefore wish us to terminate our romantic relationship."

Kirk actually took a step backwards.

"Well," he said hoarsely, "if that's how you feel…"

Spock nodded once before he turned and exited the room.

_No_, Kirk thought bitterly, _not how you feel, but how you reason._

* * *

><p><em>I'm going out, I'm going to drink myself to death<br>And in the crowd I see you with someone else  
>I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt<br>But I like to think at least things can't get any worse_

* * *

><p>Less than ten hours ago, Kirk had actually wondered how he would handle the loss of Spock. It had been for a very brief moment, before he completely shunned the possibility.<p>

Kirk sighed, opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a twisted bottle. He opened it gingerly and poured some of the blue, slightly sizzling liquid into a Starfleet issued mug before he put the bottle away and took a swig.

He thought he would deny it at first. Then he'd scream and hit something. Afterwards he'd curl up and try to forget he ever existed.

Of course, he did none of these things. Spock hadn't died.

Kirk took a small sip, relishing in the burning he felt on his tongue and down his throat.

Spock was still there, Kirk told himself. He'd always be there, even though they weren't together. It had been stupid of him to think they could ever work; this wasn't really a loss.

Suddenly, Kirk felt incredibly tired. He downed the rest of the Romulan Ale in one gulp, choked and slammed the mug down on the desk.

Pulling off shirt, boots and pants, he collapsed into bed and tried to ignore the aching he felt because he didn't have Spock to curl up next to.

_Stop it, Kirk_, he thought, _you're not fourteen anymore._

* * *

><p><em>I hope that you see me, 'cause I'm staring at you<br>But when you look over, you look right through  
>Then you lean and kiss her on the head<br>And I never felt so alive and so dead_

* * *

><p>The first thing Kirk thought when he woke up was:<p>

_I can do this. I'm James Fucking Kirk; I don't need Spock._

And he'd felt incredibly good about himself, showered, brushed his teeth to get the terrible taste of Romulan Hangover out of his mouth and went to get a coffee before he sauntered off to the bridge.

And that was when his world collapsed.

It was the stupidest thing, really. It was the way the light shone off Spock's perfectly neat black hair as he stood by the Science console that made Kirk remember everything in a flash.

The way he'd pulled his fingers through that hair; mussing it up and gripping it incredibly tight while Spock roamed his warm hands all over his body, the feeling of silky soft strands under his palms and the feeling of _Spock_.

Kirk bit his lip as he sat down in the Captain's chair, determined not to be bothered by the urge to grip Spock's hand, to kiss him fiercely, to make him beg to take Kirk back.

"Status update, Mister Spock?" he said with a remarkably even voice. He surprised even himself.

"Nothing to report, Captain. Starfleet will issue new orders at 1400 hours."

Kirk swiveled in his chair to meet Spock's eyes; a completely automatic response.

Their eyes met, but Kirk could read nothing in those dark eyes and he thought a piece of his heart died when Spock looked away to respond to Uhura's question about the orders.

* * *

><p><em>I'm going out, I'm going to drink myself to death<br>And in the crowd I see you with someone else  
>I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt<br>I'm going out.._


	7. Blinding

**Author's note**: A huge thank you to all who have put this story to their notification and/or faved it! And thank you all for your patience, I hope to write the next chapter really soon :) Also, this is one of the songs which is soundtrack to a Kirk/Spock-vid on YouTube...

**PS**: By commenting you speed up my writing rate. This is scientifically proven.

**PPS**: It's not really scientifically proven, but it does work!

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Blinding**

* * *

><p><em>Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state<br>A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake  
>No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber<br>Until I realize that it was you who held me under  
><em>

* * *

><p>Kirk didn't think to look at Spock, even though the Vulcan stood right behind him like a shadow.<p>

He supposed he was in shock.

Being told that the Klingons had declared war on the Federation would do that to you.

"Kirk," Admiral Pike said earnestly, "Jim."

"Yes."

Kirk did his best to sound professional, but his voice was hoarse and stiff.

"I'd like a word in private, if that's OK."

Spock nodded briskly and left immediately without a word. Kirk still didn't look at him, not even a short glance.

"Jim, you better sit down."

Kirk did so; slumped down in his chair in the conference room, eyes glued to the screen but not meeting Pike's.

"There's no easy way to say this," the Admiral continued, "but the truth is, under regular circumstances you would have to be demoted."

Kirk nodded.

Pike was silent for a while before he continued.

"But during these circumstances, with Starfleet crippled as it is, we can't afford to lose you. We're trusting that this was one slip-up on your part, Jim, and that you won't repeat it."

"Of course." Kirk found himself nodding mechanically.

There was an audible sigh. At least Kirk could find consolation in the fact that Pike seemed honestly upset about delivering the bad news to him.

"I don't want to be prying into your personal matters Jim, but is there something going on between you and Spock?"

Kirk didn't admit it, but he started at Pike's words.

"Going on?" He gave a dry chuckle.

"No, not really. Why do you ask?"

"You seem a bit… distanced from each other."

Kirk shrugged.

* * *

><p><em>Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids<br>Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs_

* * *

><p>He missed Spock.<p>

No.

He didn't. Spock was right there.

Always, Spock was there

Spock was always there at t the back of his mind and his mind reverberated through his whole body.

* * *

><p><em>No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone<br>No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden  
>No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love<br>No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love  
>No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world<em>

* * *

><p>Sometimes Kirk would wake up in the middle of the night, still half-asleep, not sure if he was dreaming or fantasizing or something in between.<p>

_He'd grip Spock's hair, roughly at first, tugging the head down, then loosening the grip, threading his fingers through silky and impossibly smooth black hair, they'd kiss, Spock would catch Kirk's lower lip between his teeth and Kirk would gasp softly into his mouth, hugging Spock tightly, pressing their bodies together, Spock giving him the lowest of groans deep in his throat, and then Kirk would convulse_ into the waking world gasping slightly and with a great urge to strangle something.

* * *

><p><em>And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack<br>All around the world was waking, I never could go back  
>Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open<br>And finally it seemed that the spell was broken_

_And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open  
>And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open<em>

* * *

><p>"New orders, Captain," said Uhura and turned around in her chair. Kirk did the same and met her gaze.<p>

He smiled slightly.

"What's on the agenda, then?"

"It appears the Klingons are willing to negotiate after all," the Communications Officer began carefully.

"Really?" Some of the childishness in the still-young Kirk's voice bled through at the high pitched word as he almost grinned. It had been a while since he grinned.

"But it seems they are only willing to negotiate with the one who provoked this… this affair. Namely you, Captain."

Kirk's grin froze.

And for the first time in a long while (several days, in fact), Kirk turned his chair to meet Spock's eyes.

Spock did not return his gaze.

* * *

><p><em>Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards<br>Synapse slipping through the hidden door  
>Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard<em>


	8. Rabbit Heart Raise It Up

**Author's Note**: YES! I managed to finish this chapter before NaNoWriMo started! (it starts in an hour and a half...) See, now I won't be able to write fanfiction for an entire month, so it's good that I could get this to you at least ^^

I'm really happy about the TOS-movie references I managed to put in this, tell me if you spot them :)

So! Only three chapters to go :D

Thank you, all of you who added this to their Stories and Subscription lists. This makes me very happy 3

And as always, comments are more than welcome. I'll have you know I _will reward lots of lengthy comments with lots of lengthy smut_ in the next chapter.

You heard me, there will be smut in the next chapter. If you comment, that is ;) (You have now been warned)

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Rabbit Heart **_(Raise It Up)_

* * *

><p><em>The looking glass, so shiny and new<br>__How quickly the glamour fades  
><em>_I start spinning, slipping out of time  
><em>_Was that the wrong pill to take (Raise it up)  
><em>_You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up  
><em>_But will it ever be enough_

_(Raise it up, raise it up)_

_It's not enough_

_(Raise it up, raise it up)_

* * *

><p>Spock watched Kirk dissolve on the transporter pad, and it was like he could feel the tingle of dematerialization in his own stomach.<p>

He discarded the notion as irrelevant and returned to the bridge.

Spock's mind was not in turmoil. He very efficiently began to analyze the isolated reaction of meeting Kirk's blue eyes the moment before he dematerialized in the beam.

Spock was used to feeling (yes; he felt. He just didn't show it) that he was not enough. He had not been enough Vulcan for his father, he had not been enough human for his mother, he had not been emotional enough when he lost his mother, he had never been enough.

But then he had run into and alongside James Kirk. He had fought and felt and _been_ with James Kirk and for a while, Spock had felt he was enough.

Now he was not enough anymore.

He had not been enough for Kirk.

Because now the Klingons had made clear that they intended to kill the captain, however slowly.

* * *

><p><em>Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl<br>__Frozen in the headlights  
><em>_It seems I've made the final sacrifice  
><em>_We raise it up, this offering  
><em>_We raise it up_

* * *

><p>"Commander?" It was Sulu who finally dared to open his mouth after the Klingons had ended their communication.<p>

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Spock said, knowing full well what the man wanted.

"What do we do?"

"The Keptin vill die if we do not save him!" Chekov burst out, his accent thickened by emotion.

"I am aware of that. I am, however, unable to devise a satisfactory plan to save him."

Spock rose.

"If anybody has a suggestion, I am more than willing to listen."

Spock could see that everyone on the bridge was bursting with feelings, all wanting to come up with something, anything that could save their captain from the revenge of the Klingons, but coming up empty.

Much like Spock himself.

"Sulu, you now have the command."

Everyone started at Spock's words as he walked towards the turbolift.

"Wait, where are you going?" Uhura asked incredulously and half-rose from her chair.

"Remain at you post, Lieutenant," Spock said, "I have devised a plan to save our captain, although it is not satisfactory. Please message Commander Scott to ready the transporter. Mister Chekov and Mister Sulu, please keep us in the vicinity of this magnetic cloud so as to keep us invisible to their radars."

[Spock had other standards of "empty" than most.]

* * *

><p><em>This is a gift, it comes with a price<em>

_Who is the lamb and who is the knife_

_Midas is king and he holds me so tight_

_And turns me to gold in the sunlight_

* * *

><p>Kirk only hoped that Spock had had the sense to get the <em>Enterprise<em> as far away as possible while the Klingons were content with just Kirk.

Who was he kidding. Of course Spock had had the sense.

The thought made him chuckle, and the chuckle made him cough blood.

"You think this is funny, Kirk?" The Klingon Commander Korgrowled. "You like being tickled by steel?"

He pressed the point of his jagged blade into the dip of Kirk's bared throat where he hung shirtless and defenseless on what simply must be called a rack.

"I love it," Kirk said hoarsely, meeting the Klingon's black eyes.

Spock's eyes could seem black at times, Kirk though absently, but they weren't. They were a deep brown, and it could be warm like melted dark chocolate or intense like hot coffee, black but for the slightest hint of brown.

His random thoughts of Spock and similes of food were cut short by a cruel slash of the Klingon's blade.

As blood seeped from the laceration, Kirk realized it ran parallel with another scar on his chest. A wound he had gotten by not listening to Spock; but as the wound healed he'd known that Spock loved him.

He wondered if Spock loved him still.

* * *

><p><em>I look around, but I can't find you<em>

_(raise it up)_

_If only I could see your face_

_(raise it up)_

_Instead of rushing towards the skyline_

_(raise it up)_

_I wish that I could just be brave  
><em>_I must become a lion hearted girl  
><em>_Ready for a fight  
><em>_Before I make the final sacrifice_

* * *

><p>Spock knew there was an 83.5 percent chance that he would not succeed in his mission.<p>

Getting aboard the Klingon ship without getting noticed had a 93.7 percent chance of success, as the only good thing to come out of the _Narada_ incident was a great leap forward in starship technology.

But then, creating a malfunction that would draw all the Klingons' attention away from the captain and Spock himself, that was where the odds started to get against Spock.

Not to mention _locate_ Kirk and get him out of there.

Odds were, in fact, that both Kirk and Spock would get killed.

Starfleet would lose two good officers and the flagship of the Fleet would be left without command.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, Spock thought as he stepped onto the transport pad and crouched down in the transport position (that would also make him a smaller target when he reappeared).

But then again, sometimes, the need of the one outweighed the needs of – everybody else.

As the sparks of beaming started to tear down Spock's molecular structure, he wondered if it was his own or Kirk's need that was weighing on his mind.

* * *

><p><em>And in the spring I shed my skin<br>__And it blows away with the changing wind  
><em>_The waters turn from blue to red  
><em>_As towards the sky I offer it_

* * *

><p>"Spock."<p>

"Quiet."

"Get the ship- ship… out of danger."

"The Klingons may be back at any moment. Please refrain from talking; you are hurt.

"Get… out of here. Spock. Spock…

"Certainly, captain. I intend to get out of here with you."

* * *

><p><em>This is a gift<em>


	9. Howl

**Author's Note: **And a happy holiday to all my lovely readers! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to bring you this chapter: NaNoWriMo and the holiday season and studies have kept me a bit busy.

I hope this is worth the wait ;)

I should tell you that things get heated in this chapter. But I personally don't think it's very explicit, so I won't change the rating. If you think otherwise, please tell me :)

Gahhh, thank you, all of you, and especially those who commented. I really can't express how much comments mean to me and how big an inspiration they are ^^

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Howl**

* * *

><p><em>If you could only see the beast you've made of me<br>__I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free  
><em>_Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart  
><em>_Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart_

* * *

><p>"How are you, Captain?"<p>

Kirk looked at Spock for a long while, meeting his dark eyes evenly.

"I'm fine, Spock. Really. Bones patched me up real good, no permanent damage."

Both Kirk and Spock averted their eyes at this, but Kirk turned his body closer to Spock. He knew his face was bruised and raw and he had several bruises all over his body, even though all open wounds had healed.

He didn't care.

"Captain, is there a reason for your visit?"

Kirk's head snapped up, eyes suddenly blazing.

"Of course there is!"

He took several steps forward and got up close to Spock, almost nose to nose.

"God-fucking-dammit, Spock! Don't you go all distant on me now, I know- I _know_ you care about me just as much as I care about – you rescued me even though all odds were against you, now tell me that _that_ is logical!

Spock maintained his ground, not moving an inch.

"I cannot claim such a thing, Jim", he confessed solemnly and Kirk, who sucked in a breath to retaliate, stuttered to a halt.

"Well, I - you – so…

His lips thinned and his eyes narrowed. Then Kirk very decisively grabbed Spock by the ears and kissed him on the lips.

It was a raw, open-mouthed and sloppy kiss, and Spock met it willingly. When they finally parted, panting and looking each other deeply in the eyes, Kirk gave a lazy, almost unkind, grin before Spock pinned him to the wall.

"Are you certain-" Spock began, but Kirk all but growled and pulled Spock back in.

"Of course", he mumbled in between fervent kisses, "I know you feel for me just as I feel for you and fuck it if we're going to be miserable because of it _and __not __be __together_"

* * *

><p><em>My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in<br>You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl  
>My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in<br>You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to_

_Howl, howl_  
><em>Howl, howl<em>

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Kirk had Spock on his back on the bed, tearing at his shirt while at the same time trying to zip open his pants. Kirk felt giddy, full with the feeling of Spock beneath him, unwilling to let go long enough to strip them of clothes.<p>

With a grunt, Spock shoved him away, and Kirk sat back breathless and watched Spock pull up the blue shirt and black undershirt in one swift movement, revealing a broad chest covered in black hair.

With a chuckle, Kirk remembered the first time he had seen Spock shirtless; and the shock he'd felt when he saw the mat of hair. He had expected Spock's chest to be as smooth as his own, but now he grabbed Spock's arms and buried his nose just above his stomach, nuzzling the skin without a second thought.

Spock's breathing was heavy, and his fists clenched around the bedsheets as he looked down on Kirk where he drew intricate paths on Spock's torso with his nose and mouth. Kirk looked up and met Spock's dark eyes.

Kirk knew that face; he knew that when Spock looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes like that he wasn't prepared to let go, but wanted to at the same time.

So the man threw all caution overboard and climbed atop the now half-naked half-Vulcan, blue eyes blazing with the intent to take him apart piece by piece just to put him back together again.

* * *

><p><em>Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack<br>__My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out  
><em>_The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
><em>_I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground_

_Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins_  
><em>I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness<em>

_And howl, howl  
>Howl, howl<em>

* * *

><p>He was addicted, Kirk realized. Addicted to the way he made Spock writhe under his touch, addicted to the tiny noises Spock made in his throat.<p>

They made Kirk gasp, in need of more, hungrily letting his hands roam all over Spock's inhumanly warm body, trying to find any and all buttons to push.

He nuzzled Spock's pale throat, kissed the tendon running across the neck and licked the collarbone all while he explored the sharp hipbones and flat stomach, pressing both bodies together as much as he could.

Spock was by no means passive: His scorching hands were running up and down Kirk's muscled back, massaging his shoulder blades and shoulders with an almost surgical precision. Kirk bit into the earlobe of a pointed ear and was rewarded with a soft gasp.

He bared his teeth in a feral smile, pressing his hot breaths closer to Spock's neck.

* * *

><p><em>Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers<br>__Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters_

_The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress  
>Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest<br>The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
>I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground<em>

* * *

><p>Spock breathed heavily through his nose, teeth clenched together as tightly as his hands were clamped on Kirk's hips. He [almost] loathed the way he had given way to his base instincts, allowing the man to draw them out with what seemed to be ridiculous ease.<p>

But the call was too irresistible, the urge too strong, and Spock had learned the hard way that it was not wise to bottle up urges and feelings this strong.

It would be illogical.

And the way Kirk lay, now beneath him, his soft pink lips swollen and parted, and showing the barest hint of white teeth in an almost prideful grin.

He remembered seeing that grin all too often, when Kirk had gotten his way or had what he wanted just where he wanted it; and Spock could not fathom how that smile could be directed at him.

A blink of those intense, blue eyes and a quick thrust of hips made Spock bite his lip. Kirk smiled and grabbed his shoulders in a rough gesture.

Spock felt a terrible wave of desperate possessiveness – he wanted that smile, those lips and that open, wanting body of Captain Kirk for his own, now and for all time.

And so he claimed it, with searing kisses and strokes and soft noises in the back of his throat.

* * *

><p><em>And howl<em>

_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
>Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters<em>

_A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night  
>May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright<em>

* * *

><p>Kirk wasn't even aware that he was making keening noises while trying to touch Spock everywhere while Spock did the same to him, mapping every plane of his body with his own.<p>

He couldn't ever remember physical touch to be this intense: It wasn't even sex. Kirk didn't care about having sex with Spock, he just wanted to _touch_ him and to know him and be with him as close as possible.

Kirk gasped as Spock kissed the sensitive skin on his neck, and protested wordlessly as Spock sat upright, edging himself away.

"Don't you dare", he warned, "Spock, I don't care – I want you.

Spock's hair was mussed up and Kirk grabbed it forcefully, but didn't pull him in. He just looked into those dark, Vulcan eyes and Spock blinked, once.

"I want you as well," he replied with a voice so low it sent an electrical charge right down Kirk's spine. He shuddered involuntarily, and he could see Spock respond to it.

He lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper and disentangled one hand to reach for Spock's.

"Then tomorrow be damned, Spock. Just let me be with you."

He lifted a broad, long-fingered hand to his mouth and kissed the knuckles and all the digits.

Spock's eyes closed and he let out a shaky breath as Kirk gently closed his teeth and lips around the tip of his thumb in an incredibly, illogically sensual gesture.

"I will", he said, voice thick with promises.

* * *

><p><em>If you could only see the beast you've made of me<br>__I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free  
><em>_The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
><em>_I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground_


	10. Between Two Lungs

**Author's note: **Oh wow, I'm so sorry it has taken me this long to write this chapter - the sad thing is that I wrote it in one sitting, it's just that it took so long for me to realize what I wanted with this chapter. But here it is, I hope it is to you liking!

I managed to sneak in a certain catchphrase, and this chapter is actually a reboot!rewrite of sorts of a TOS-episode - cookies to you if you get them! :D

Only one chapter left you guys, I sincerely promise I'll be quicker with the update this one final time :)

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Between Two Lungs**

* * *

><p><em>Between two lungs it was released<br>__The breath that carried me  
><em>_The sigh that blew me forward_

* * *

><p>"Well thank god <em>that<em> is over!"

Kirk shot a grin at his First Officer, who sat beside him at the controls of the tiny shuttlecraft, quick fingers moving over the screen as he tried to make sense of what the monitors were telling him.

They were alone; Kirk had left the _Enterprise_ in Scotty's capable hands as Kirk and Spock had been ordered to rendezvous at the nearest starbase for a full debriefing with the commander regarding the whole Klingon-escape situation.

That was all well and done with, and as far Kirk could tell, they actually had managed to avoid a full scale interplanetary war.

Kirk settled back in his chair, feeling light and untroubled – until a loud beep startled him.

"What was that?" he asked, and Spock did not meet his gaze as he answered.

"There's an ionic storm coming up, Captain. This shuttle is not fast enough to escape it."

Kirk's breath caught in his throat.

He had thought he'd long gotten over his claustrophobia, but suddenly it felt like the shuttle was cramped and already running out of oxygen.

He was getting ahead of himself, however.

* * *

><p><em>Because it was trapped<br>Trapped between two lungs  
>It was trapped between two lungs<br>It was trapped between two lungs_

* * *

><p>When the ion storm finally subsided, Kirk was able to loosen the knuckle-whitening grip he held on the chair he was sitting in.<p>

"Status, Mister Spock?" he said, voice not trembling the slightest even as he could feel the knot in his chest unravel slowly when the shuttle finally stopped shaking.

"The storm put us off course, Captain," Spock answered levelly, "and we do not have enough fuel left to reach the _Enterprise _before our fuel supply runs out."

"What?" Kirk half-rose, frantically looking at the monitors before him, scanning the information desperately for a way out, "but if we send a distress call –"

"The storm knocked out our communications, Jim," Spock said almost kindly, and that kindness punched Kirk in the gut harder than the words themselves could.

"Well, then, we better set course for the _Enterprise_ and hope they're looking for us," Kirk said as he settled down again, trying to seem aloof and at ease.

It didn't work.

Never had the infinity of space worked against them so, Kirk thought gloomily, and he was glad Spock did not recite the odds of the _Enterprise_ finding them out there.

* * *

><p><em>And my running feet could fly<br>Each breath screaming  
>We are all too young to die<em>

* * *

><p>"Approximately two hours of oxygen left, Spock," Kirk said and shivered. He was only imagining the cold of space seeping into the shuttle, but he still put his arms around himself in a defensive gesture.<p>

"Thank you, Captain" Spock answered where he lay on the floor, patiently trying to restore their fried communications console, surrounded by tools and bits of wire. Kirk wished he could help, but there was really only room for one to work on the thing.

"Three point six hours to estimated rendezvous point with the _Enterprise_," Kirk continued, marveling at how much he sounded like Spock in his clinical recitation of cold facts, "So, if we managed to contact the _Enterprise_ within the next one point nine hours, they could warp to us and get us before we-"

Kirk paused and looked at Spock, head obscured by the panels as he stretched into the bowels of the shuttle. A strip of his stomach had become visible where his blue shirt had hitched, and for some reason Kirk couldn't tear his eyes away from the pale skin that peeked out between blue and black.

* * *

><p><em>Between two lungs it was released<br>The breath that passed from you to me  
>It flew between us as we slept<br>Slipped from your mouth into mine it crept  
>Between two lungs it was released<br>The breath that passed from you to me  
>It flew between us as we slept<br>Slipped from your mouth into mine it crept_

* * *

><p>Kirk had left the bridge while Sulu and Chekov had been in the midst of a heated discussion about an ancient game called "Tetris" and Scotty, who had been called to the bridge seeing as he's be in command until Kirk and Spock returned, was right in the middle of flirting with Uhura, who smiled fondly at him while still keeping him at arm's length.<p>

"See ye soon, Cap'n!" Scotty had said with a hearty wave, Uhura had nodded and smartly reported that:

"The shuttle is ready for you and the Commander, Captain."

Kirk had smiled and saluted in reply, and as the turbolift-doors closed he had heard Chekov exclaim:

"Tetris vas inwented in Russia" to an incredulous Sulu, and Kirk had given a loud snort, mind already wandering towards the alone time he would have with Spock in the shuttle in the near future. Bones' dry voice had crackled over the intercom:

"Try to get back in one piece, Jim. I might not wanna stitch you up again."

Kirk couldn't believe he would never see any of them again.

* * *

><p><em>Cos it was trapped<br>Trapped between two lungs  
>It was trapped between two lungs<em>

* * *

><p>"I don't want to die," Kirk whispered as he tangled his hand in Spock's shirt. Spock's strong nose was bumping into his and his dark eyes were fixed on Kirk's lips and his hot hands were clamped on Kirk's hips to keep him on his place in Spock's lap.<p>

"Speaking will only deplete the oxygen reserve faster," Spock murmured, but softly, as close to comforting as the half-Vulcan got.

Kirk's incredibly blue eyes were actually shimmering with unshed tears, lit by the gloomy emergency lights, as he said:

"Kiss me," and Spock obliged without another word, his lips tenderly brushing Kirk's.

Kirk immediately put his arms around Spock, pressing them together almost painfully, one arm lined up against Spock's neck and hand entangled in his hair, and the other thrown across the small of his back, urging Spock on.

Lips parted, tongues meeting each other in a heated clash, and hands desperately clawing and clinging, Kirk almost sobbing at the breathlessness of it, the sheer hopeless desperation of the touch, the knowledge that this was it.

Kirk was out of breath and he knew he would never catch it again.

* * *

><p><em>Gone are all the days of begging<br>The days of theft  
>No more gasping for a breath<br>The air filled me head to toe  
>And I can see the ground far below<br>I have this breath and I hold it tight  
>And I keep it in my chest with all my might<br>I pray to god this breath will last  
>As it pushes past my lips as I...<em>

* * *

><p>"Spock," Kirk mumbled into the half-Vulcan mouth, sharing what breath they both had left, "I'm so sorry. I can't – I'm sorry."<p>

The reply was a low growl, and suddenly, Spock pushed Kirk away and stood up. Kirk staggered backwards as Spock entered a code on the monitor pad and let his fingers fly over the console. There was a beep, the whole shuttle shuddered, and the emergency lights started blinking.

"What did you do?" Kirk shouted slamming down his hands on the control panel, trying to ascertain what just happened.

"I jettisoned the remaining fuel and ignited it," Spock said, breathing heavily and met Kirk's furious blue eyes.

"You – a distress flare?"

Kirk blinked and then gave a loud, barking laugh as he pulled the startled half-Vulcan into a bone-crushing hug.

"My wonderful Spock. My dear, dear Spock. he mumbled into his shoulder, "Let's just hope someone saw it."

* * *

><p><em>Dance<em>


	11. Cosmic Love

**Author's note:** Please note that this fic now has an M rating

Bahhh, I am so sorry it took me this long, but here it is, the final chapter :D

Thank you all who read this story and commented on it, I really appreciate it. You have no idea how much they supported me and kept me going, without my readers I never would have finished this, I think.

So thank you, I hope you enjoy this. And I will always appreciate comments, no matter what! :)

PS: There's at least three fanvids to this song on Youtube. You should check them out ^^

* * *

><p><strong>-Lungs-<strong>

**Cosmic Love**

* * *

><p><em>A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes<br>I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind_

* * *

><p>Kirk awoke, eyes flashing open and body bucking as he tried to suck in a deep breath. He tried to, but he couldn't fill his lungs and he clawed at his own face in a feeble attempt to get rid of whatever it was that was obstructing his airways.<p>

"Jim, what the hell- Jeez, calm down!"

A pair of hands landed on his shoulders, pushing him down onto a mattress and another pair removed the oxygen mask covering his mouth. Kirk inhaled deeply, finally allowing himself to relax and start thinking.

"Spock?" was the first word that came out of his mouth, his voice hoarse but quiet: just forming the word and pressing out the air to make the syllable was taxing.

"With that thick Vulcan hide o' his he woulda survived a lot longer than you," came Bones's reassuring voice.

"Need to talk to him," Kirk gasped and fumbled after something. What, he didn't know.

"He's not awake", Nurse Chapel informed him while looking at his monitor and scribbling on her padd.

"Then wake him", Kirk said, attempting to sound commanding but ending up with a pleading note to his rough voice.

"We can't," said Bones in his usual gruff tone, "He's in – what did they call it?"

"A healing trance, doctor," answered Chapel and put a hand to her pristine blonde hair made up in a practical knot, "but according to the data the VSA gave us in regards to Vulcan healing practices, he should wake up soon and he will be needing assistance…"

* * *

><p><em>The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out<br>You left me in the dark  
>No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight<br>In the shadow of your heart_

* * *

><p>Kirk, being Kirk, jumped up from the sickbed, ignoring the protests and the fact that we was naked but for the white gown that seemed to be customary for every sickbay-visit.<p>

He rushed to the adjoining room, because where else would Spock be, and as soon as he got to his bedside he knew something was wrong – the beeping and the flashing emanating from the board at Spock's head told him as much as Spock's thin, labored breathing and sickly pallor.

Spock's hand twitched and Kirk grabbed it, still ignoring Bones' and Chapel's babble.

"Spock?" he insisted and Spock answered:

"Hit me."

Kirk blinked and squeezed the hand. Spock hadn't opened his eyes, and he wasn't even sure he had actually spoken, but then he repeated, louder:

"Hit me in the chest."

So Kirk balled his fist and let it fall down on Spock's chest with a thump, and Spock's body arched as he opened his dark eyes. Kirk held his breath.

"The hell, Jim?" Bones yelled, "Spock, what-"

"It's quite all right, doctor," Spock said levelly, although his breathing was a bit erratic still, "Vulcans often need to be jostled from our healing-induced coma to properly wake up before it's too late.

"Nurse, I'm fine!" Kirk snapped, still kneeling by Spock's bed as Chapel fussed over him, "leave us, please."

It was not a plea, and Chapel darted from the room, briefly putting a hand on McCoy's shoulder as if to nudge him along.

Boned eyes were trained on Kirk though and he didn't move an inch.

"The both of you almost died," he said, "We found you just in time, thank god, but it was a damn close call."

"I know, Bones," Kirk said, glancing at his best friend, then looking down apologetically, "I do know. That's why I need to be alone with Spock just now."

Bones shook his head, but relented, exiting the room muttering something about those crazy kids.

* * *

><p><em>And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat<br>I tried to find the sound  
>But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,<br>So darkness I became_

* * *

><p>"Spock," Kirk said, cold floor still digging into his knees, "I'm sorry."<p>

"You are not at fault, Jim," Spock responded, regarding Kirk under half-lidded eyes.

"No, I mean-," Kirk inhaled deeply, still treasuring the cool air on the_ Enterprise_, "I don't deserve you."

Spock did not move a muscle. He only looked at Kirk, unwavering and Kirk had no idea if he'd finally stunned the Vulcan into silence, or if he was being reprimanded.

After a moment, Spock moved to put his other hand over Kirk's and he started saying:

"Jim-," but Kirk got up and all but ripped his hand from Spock's and almost shouted:

"Don't you "Jim" me, Spock!" When we were- when we were dying, I didn't care about you! All I could think of was me and how I… How I didn't want to die."

Spock blinked at that and sat up. He gingerly put the cover aside and swung his legs over the bedside and met Kirk's eyes once again.

"Then you should have killed me."

Kirk recoiled visibly at the words, a sour taste gathering like bile at the back of his throat.

"Then there would have been more oxygen left for you," Spock continued, unperturbed, "and the chances of your survival would have been higher."

"No, I- Spock, I wouldn't-"

Spock's gaze was unfaltering and Kirk suddenly found himself smiling.

"I don't think I would enjoy a life that cost you yours", he stated drily.

"That is enough for me," Spock said with the smallest hint of a smile, and Kirk wondered if the oxygen was escaping him yet again.

* * *

><p><em>The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out<br>You left me in the dark  
>No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight<br>In the shadow of your heart_

* * *

><p>Finally, <em>finally<em>, released from sickbay, Kirk almost whooped with joy. His fear of enclosed and boring places had, if possible, increased tenfold thanks to the recent turn of events.

Bones had, lovely gruff man that he was, given the Captain and his first in command a week of sick leave, and Kirk grinned and nodded gracefully before pulling Spock into his quarters with a whispered:

"I know exactly how we're going to spend this leave."

Currently, Spock wasn't voicing any complaints, as Kirk was busy kissing a trail from his collarbone down to his hipbone. Spock occupied himself with ridding Kirk of his clothing, as Kirk had already made quick work of Spock's pristine uniform (he'd even stopped Spock from folding them).

It didn't take Spock long before he hooked his fingers around the hem of Kirk's black boxers and tugged experimentally. Kirk's breath hitched as Spock's hot fingers brushed the sensitive skin between his jutting hipbones, and he responded by gently biting down on Spock's earlobe.

The sensation sent a shiver through the Vulcan's body, and Kirk couldn't hide a grin as he kissed and licked his way to Spock's thin lips via the stubbly jaw.

Kirk whispered nonsensical things into the mouth of his lover, making promises and curses and breathless pleas all the while strong hands made searing trails on his back and stomach, all over his tense body.

Head buried in the crook of Spock's neck, Kirk sought release from the tension by bucking once, then slowly grinding himself down between Spock's thighs. He was relishing the way Spock's back arched and how he exposed his beautiful, pale throat to Kirk's sloppy kisses.

It was the perfect mix of rushed, passionate sex and slow, exploring lovemaking. Kirk had never understood the word "lovemaking", but he figured he could start to understand it now: by mapping out every part of Spock's body and noting all the details and the way he transformed the man and changed himself when they were together, that was as close to making love as Kirk got.

He loved making Spock love him, and he guided Spock's hand to his head as he slowly traced a path downwards, over Spock's heated stomach.

* * *

><p><em>I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map<br>And knew that somehow I could find my way back  
>Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too<br>So I stayed in the darkness with you_

* * *

><p>Kirk gasped and bit his lip, nails making marks where his fingers dug into Spock's shoulders.<p>

"Just fuck me already," he groaned and Spock made a low sound in his throat, almost like a hum, as he complied with his Captain's order.

Kirk threw his head back onto the pillow and screwed his eyes shut. He realized he'd been too eager because the slow burn of _Spock_ hurt- not more than he could stand- but just enough to make him squirm, silently begging for Spock to just move already.

But Kirk was soon too focused on the way Spock was gasping, almost inaudibly as he moved inside Kirk, to remember his own discomfort.

Their eyes were locked as both tried to memorize each other's reactions and then Spock brushed against _that _spot and Kirk's blue eyes fluttered shut again. He let out a shuddering breath followed by a needy moan.

Spock gripped Kirk's hands and pinned them above his head and Kirk opened his eyes. Spock closed his in turn, but Kirk flexed his body around him and the shock made Spock's eyes snap open again.

"Look at me," Kirk whispered and Spock lifted his head a bit. He wriggled one hand lose from Spock's grip and put it to a green-tinged cheek, urging him not to look away.

So many things were left unsaid between them, but Kirk laughed softly because he knew they didn't need them.

* * *

><p><em>The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out<br>You left me in the dark  
>No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight<br>In the shadow of your heart_

* * *

><p>"How's my baby?" Kirk asked with a yawn as he pulled a hand through his ruffled, sand-colored hair.<p>

"All systems normal," was the reply as Spock put a mug of coffee in the Captain's hand and stepped up beside him.

Kirk gave him a surprised, if bleary, glance, and looked down at the mug in his hand.

"Thanks," he said out loud and added, with a voice so low that only pointy Vulcan ears would hear it:

"-babe."

Spock only raised his eyebrow a fraction without deigning to look at him. Kirk laughed, voice still hoarse after a full night's sleep.

"You'll be the end of me, Mister Spock," he said playfully before settling himself down in the Captain's chair.

He probably would, Kirk mused, but as he glanced up at his stoic Commander he knew that it would be worth it.

* * *

><p><em>The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out<br>You left me in the dark  
>No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight<br>In the shadow of your heart_


End file.
